Don’t I Deserve to be an After?

I had a frustrating doctor’s appointment last week and I have been thinking a lot about it.  I was expressing (ok I was whining about) my frustration with not being able to lose weight and let’s just say my doctor’s response was not really what I wanted to hear.

First, let’s recap some of the bigger changes I’ve made in my life since the beginning of the year:

  • I no longer eat fast food (very rare occasions, like when traveling).
  • I rarely eat bread or tortillas or chips or potatoes or crackers or other “empty” carbs.
  • I don’t drink sodas.  Once a week I allow myself one diet soda.
  • I eat at least one fruit and/or vegetable with each meal.
  • I work out 5-6 times a week.
  • I lift weights 3 times a week.
  • I drink water like it’s going out of style — at least 100 oz a day.
  • I never eat after dinner.
  • I rarely eat a snack, and when I do it’s only once a day and I keep it around 100 calories and usually a protein and/or a fruit or veggie.
  • I don’t even use a regular dinner plate any more.  All of my meals fit on a “side dish” plate.

Yet…. in the past 8 months, I have managed to lose 0 pounds.  Nothing.  I’m the same weight I was after my 10-pound Christmas & New Year’s bingefest.  Does anyone else feel like that’s really messed up?

So I was explaining this all to my doctor and he does want to do some blood tests to make sure my hormones aren’t out of whack (which I’m pretty sure they are), but he said even if it’s my hormones, or even if they were able to diagnose me with some sort of “problem”…. the fact remains that this is just my lot in life and if I do want to get down to some sort of “goal weight,” I have a very long road ahead of me.

Basically his message was to stop having a pity party for myself and just accept that this is my life now.  Regardless of what the scale says, I am a healthier person because of my new diet and exercise regimen.  He said I need to “find joy” in eating right and exercising and just be happy with my new lifestyle. It might not be fair that others can lose weight faster and easier, but that’s the way it is.  I need to accept it or I’m going to stress myself out and make it even harder to lose weight.

Wow.  Not what I wanted to hear.  No, I don’t know exactly what I wanted to hear, but I do know it wasn’t that!

So I’m just supposed to be happy being stuck at 198 pounds?  Really?  I’m supposed to find joy in working my butt off, journaling every morsel of food I put into my mouth, working out every day, constantly planning and preparing healthy meals, etc… for no results?  I’m sorry, but that is crap!

He told me I was obsessing over the number on the scale.  That I needed to stop looking at the number and just be happy with the other benefits I’m seeing and feeling.  Don’t I have more energy?  Don’t I feel stronger?  Don’t I have more physical endurance?

Well yes… I can say definitely say “yes” to all of those questions, but I have some questions, too.  Don’t I deserve to be able to run and work out without lugging around an extra 30-40 pounds?  Don’t I deserve to be able to weigh in at the doctor’s office and not be categorized as obese or overweight?  Don’t I deserve to be able to wear clothes without worrying about my bulges showing?  Don’t I deserve to be an “After”?

Sure, with a lot of work I can probably figure out a way to trick my mind into being “happy” with the progress I’ve made so far, but I don’t think I’m asking too much to just be at a healthy weight.  I’ve been working at this for a very long time now.

Very very frustrated.

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10 thoughts on “Don’t I Deserve to be an After?

  1. You remind me so much of me. There’s no reason for you to have to accept this as your “lot”. It definitely sounds like your hormones could be the culprit. I would strongly suggest looking at http://www.stopthethyroidmadness.com and take control of your own health! I feel so much better since getting my thyroid and adrenals back on track. Good luck, and keep us updated!

    • That’s a really interesting site. I’d love to hear more of how you found out you had thyroid/adrenal issues and what’s happened since!
      Here’s the thing, though… I do have a lot of the symptoms they list there, but I also don’t have a lot of them. (And their list of symptoms is so huge, I don’t see how someone couldn’t have many of them! Know what I mean?)
      I know my OB/GYN checked my hormones a few years back and everything came back “clean,” so I’m just assuming that’s going to happen again this time. It’s very frustrating because I know something is up. It should not be this hard to lose weight. It’s never been easy for me, but it’s never been this hard. Something is up. I’m just very afraid I’m going to go back to the doctor and he’s going to tell me the tests all came back clear. Then what?

  2. Aw, I’m really sorry you’ve been dealing with this. I know that doctors don’t always say the right thing when it comes to weight loss. It sounds like you have been totally working your butt off without, well, actually working your butt off! Did you ever take measurements? Do you fit way better in your clothes? Maybe it’s possible you’ve lost a bunch of body fat and gained muscle.

    • Aw thanks for the sympathy Carolyn. It’s always nice to know there’s a friendly face out there reading my blog. Thanks for the reminder — I do need to get my measurements out and take them again. I know the changes haven’t been huge, though. Everything fits better, but I haven’t dropped another size or anything for a long long long time.

  3. ::hugs:: If labs come back with clean results, maybe it’s be worth seeing a nutritionist/dietitian? If you’re tracking/exercising you are clearly aware of what you’re doing. Taking your logs into someone probably wouldn’t hurt. ❤ Hang in there.

    • Aw thanks for the hugs. I can really use them right now!!!
      My biggest fear is these tests are gonna come back clean, because if they do, I honestly don’t know what more I can do besides completely starving myself and working out 8 hours a day (which is not gonna happen). A dietitian is a good idea I suppose. I’ll keep you posted. Thanks for reading and bearing with all my whining and complaining! lol

  4. I feel you. I’m there right now. I feel like this weight loss thing has got me on an emotional roller coaster. Keep pressing on. Even if you stay at 198 forever (which I know won’t be the case), you will feel so much better than if you were to give up and stop trying. Keep going, Jen. You will be an ‘After’!!

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