Celebrating a Non-Scale Victory

After posting that very whiny blog entry yesterday, I felt I should balance it out with some positivity today.  Just as my doctor pointed out last week… No, I haven’t seen the scale budge for a long long time, but I have definitely seen some great changes that I have to be happy about.  At Weight Watchers they call those “non-scale victories.”

The biggest change I’ve experienced lately is a discovery that I actually do have muscles.

You might remember a few months back I posted that my doctor (yes the same doctor I saw the other day) recommended that I add weight-training to my exercise program, in the hopes it would bust my plateau.  (Here’s the post, if you’re curious.)  Well, as we know…. it did not cause me to start losing weight.  Not at all.  But, I do have to say I am feeling a whole lot stronger these days.

I’ve been taking the Body Pump class (60 minutes of weight lifting set to music) at the Y twice a week, and doing my own free weights at home once a week.  So that’s three days a week I’m lifting.

I wish I had taken before pictures so you could compare, but check out my newly formed guns:


I really cannot believe I am one of those people who takes pictures of their muscles in the bathroom mirror. What is happening to me?!!

I’ve noticed them taking shape over the past couple of months, and I’ve definitely noticed I’ve been able to add more weight during Body Pump class, but I knew things had truly changed when I took my daughter to the big swimming pool at the Y the other day.

Usually I have to swim over to a ladder and use that to get out of the pool, but last week I was actually able to push myself up on the side and right out of the pool like normal-sized people do.  What a great feeling!

Definitely something to celebrate.


Don’t I Deserve to be an After?

I had a frustrating doctor’s appointment last week and I have been thinking a lot about it.  I was expressing (ok I was whining about) my frustration with not being able to lose weight and let’s just say my doctor’s response was not really what I wanted to hear.

First, let’s recap some of the bigger changes I’ve made in my life since the beginning of the year:

  • I no longer eat fast food (very rare occasions, like when traveling).
  • I rarely eat bread or tortillas or chips or potatoes or crackers or other “empty” carbs.
  • I don’t drink sodas.  Once a week I allow myself one diet soda.
  • I eat at least one fruit and/or vegetable with each meal.
  • I work out 5-6 times a week.
  • I lift weights 3 times a week.
  • I drink water like it’s going out of style — at least 100 oz a day.
  • I never eat after dinner.
  • I rarely eat a snack, and when I do it’s only once a day and I keep it around 100 calories and usually a protein and/or a fruit or veggie.
  • I don’t even use a regular dinner plate any more.  All of my meals fit on a “side dish” plate.

Yet…. in the past 8 months, I have managed to lose 0 pounds.  Nothing.  I’m the same weight I was after my 10-pound Christmas & New Year’s bingefest.  Does anyone else feel like that’s really messed up?

So I was explaining this all to my doctor and he does want to do some blood tests to make sure my hormones aren’t out of whack (which I’m pretty sure they are), but he said even if it’s my hormones, or even if they were able to diagnose me with some sort of “problem”…. the fact remains that this is just my lot in life and if I do want to get down to some sort of “goal weight,” I have a very long road ahead of me.

Basically his message was to stop having a pity party for myself and just accept that this is my life now.  Regardless of what the scale says, I am a healthier person because of my new diet and exercise regimen.  He said I need to “find joy” in eating right and exercising and just be happy with my new lifestyle. It might not be fair that others can lose weight faster and easier, but that’s the way it is.  I need to accept it or I’m going to stress myself out and make it even harder to lose weight.

Wow.  Not what I wanted to hear.  No, I don’t know exactly what I wanted to hear, but I do know it wasn’t that!

So I’m just supposed to be happy being stuck at 198 pounds?  Really?  I’m supposed to find joy in working my butt off, journaling every morsel of food I put into my mouth, working out every day, constantly planning and preparing healthy meals, etc… for no results?  I’m sorry, but that is crap!

He told me I was obsessing over the number on the scale.  That I needed to stop looking at the number and just be happy with the other benefits I’m seeing and feeling.  Don’t I have more energy?  Don’t I feel stronger?  Don’t I have more physical endurance?

Well yes… I can say definitely say “yes” to all of those questions, but I have some questions, too.  Don’t I deserve to be able to run and work out without lugging around an extra 30-40 pounds?  Don’t I deserve to be able to weigh in at the doctor’s office and not be categorized as obese or overweight?  Don’t I deserve to be able to wear clothes without worrying about my bulges showing?  Don’t I deserve to be an “After”?

Sure, with a lot of work I can probably figure out a way to trick my mind into being “happy” with the progress I’ve made so far, but I don’t think I’m asking too much to just be at a healthy weight.  I’ve been working at this for a very long time now.

Very very frustrated.


Superfood Pilaf – a Trader Joe’s FAIL

If you’ve read my blog at all, you know I love me some Trader Joe’s.  I have hardly ever found a product there that I didn’t like (except the “spicy ranchero egg white salad” which was just absolutely disgusting).  I go to TJs at least twice a month and stock up on tons of things that help me stay on track.

Well a couple weeks back I picked up a bag of their “Superfood Pilaf.”  A couple bloggers I follow had recommended the stuff and said it was really yummy.


Quinoa?  Yum I love quinoa.  Kale.  Yup like that too.  Sweet potatoes and carrots.  Who doesn’t love those?  This has got to be great!

Nope.  Disgusting.

The mixture of textures and the odd combination of veggies just didn’t work at all to me.  The only flavor it had at all was intense bitterness.  Yuck.

Just had to share.

Friday Weigh-in

Holy cow where did the week go???

I had every intention of posting my food journal each day this week, and as you can see… that didn’t happen.  Well, I saved you from that boredom, so you can thank me for that.

I ended up not being able to follow the “Simply Filling” plan this week.  1) I was way too swamped with post-vacation catch-up work that I barely had time to prepare food, and SF really requires a lot of time and prep.  2) I was not in control of a couple of meals this week — meaning I had to eat away from home and others were preparing the food so I knew I couldn’t be picky and demand only lean meat and veggies.

But fear not!
I actually did great this week! Not only did I re-lose the 4 pounds I had re-gained over vacation… but I also lost another pound on top of that!

I’m not dumb enough to actually believe that I lost 5 pounds this week.  To be honest, I don’t think I really gained back the 4.  I think when I weighed in after vacation I was carrying a lot of water weight, or something crazy was going on.  No, I didn’t eat great while on vacation (hello cinnamon rolls and pizza!!), but I didn’t go hog wild either.  I also had two good runs on the beach that week and walked a TON at Disneyland.  So it really didn’t make sense that I had gained 4 whole pounds.

So with all that being said, I am still UP way too close to 200 pounds, but I’m still working really hard — sticking to the plan and exercising 5-6 times a week — and I’m very happy I’m down this week.  My short term goal is to be back to 188 by the time we go to Arkansas for my stepson’s wedding next month.  That means I’ll need to lose 9 pounds in 6 weeks.  Totally doable.

Since I don’t have any meal pics to post this week, I’ll just share this pic of my daughter and me on the beach last week. Yes, I’m still sad I’m not on vacation. 😦